First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
