It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
