On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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