Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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