'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
