Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
