Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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