i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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