it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
It's not a walk of shame if you run
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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