saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Randomize
