That's intense
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
