Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
We just shotgunned beers for America
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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