my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Houston, we have a blender
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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