is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
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is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
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U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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