Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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