Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
