According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
