i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
My vagina just clenched in fear
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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