i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
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