um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
