So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize