we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
