i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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