It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
