i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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