so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
