my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
