Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
