and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
