I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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