dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Watching her eat just hurts me
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
