how can u be prego again
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
