He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
