If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
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