How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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