I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
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