i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
