Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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