its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
