I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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