It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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