glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
