Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
