I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
