Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
