Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
