I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
