Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
