When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
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I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
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She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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