Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
