im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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