I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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