two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
