Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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