Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
3 2 1 whiskey
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
