Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
