A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
