so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
