She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
