i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
