Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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